Love actually love~

I bet you want to know about what happened to my first love. Well, I live in the real world; my life is not like in the film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai where Kajol finally married to Shah Rukh Khan. (Sorry, I could not think of any better example. Haha) Real life is not like in the movie, the same goes to my first love especially when you fell in love with is your extremely BEST FRIEND.

Typical thought on first love; it is the most wonderful and memorable love story to be happened to you but not for me. There is no doubt that it was memorable but I wasn’t that fortunate. Truthfully, there is nothing wrong if you fall in love with your best buddy but in the future it will raise the most awkward situation if you were rebuffed.

Errr…Am I rebuffed? Theoretically and supposedly, I was rebuffed but practically I’m not. This is because I never asked him for a serious relationship. It is not easy. Like I can confront him and say, “Bro, I love you! Can you be my steady boyfriend?” Puff… I’m committing suicide if I did that.

I want to do it frankly speaking but I don’t have the guts and what was killing me at that time was to know the fact that he was in love with somebody else; a friend of mine. Haisshhhh!!!! And it saddens me further as I only knew about his love story through the gossips airing in the class. He did not tell me about it! I guess there is still a barrier between us.

By the way, it’s not easy to expose you love story to others.

I was jealous, hurt, devastated and felt like someone was squeezing my heart until it explodes. I can’t help myself with such endure in me as I was deeply madly in LOVE with him. :-{ To lessen the burden, I tried to keep a distance from him but I can’t. Every time I tried I’ll ended up sitting by his side and tried to make him to never stop talking to me and some of my friends even noticed this kind out of norm behaviour happened to me. Well, I pretended that there was nothing wrong with my behaviour and played dumb whenever they talked about me falling in love with him.

Everyday, I ‘acted’ normally towards him until I became ‘sick’ of myself trying hardly to hide the feeling which I can’t really tell if he can sense that. Then, he told me that he was offered to a boarding school and he went off.

Through that time, without him by my side, and hardly to contact each other, I carried on with my life and struggling to leave my feelings behind. I don’t know how I did it but my love towards him seemed to fade away and I’m happy with it, to remain our friendship as a friendship; not more than that.

I don’t have any idea if he knows about my feeling towards him but one day, while talking on the phone, suddenly it blurted out of my mouth.

‘Do you know that I used to fall for you?’ I asked him.

Guess what his reaction was.

A) a deep silence
B) change the topic
C) huh?!
D) hung up

None of it as he laughed at me and asked. "Seriously?". I said of course and I think it is the most stupid thing ever happened to me and I told him that it was very hard to know that he had interest in another friend of mine. He just laughed throughout the conversation and later, we decided not to talk about it anymore.

Well, this is not a romantic and happy ending love story because I was in love with him but he was in love with her and at the same time her was in love with the other him who was in love with her too. So, my friend was kind of being rebuffed.

Wow! That’s what I guess made us a good friend cause we’re in the same boat. Haha

I want to hate my first love (not him but my feelings toward him) but I can’t and I don’t have the right to do it because we can’t really choose who we wanna love as love will strike us just like that.








Bro, I hope you're not reading this. Huhu~