I am sick
I am sick of you
for being so talented,
having the brain of Einstein
movement of a lion
performance of Nicol Ann.
But then I realized, the truth
I am sick of myself
for being so stupid,
having the brain of a cow
movement of a sloth
performance of me.
I’m sorry I put the blame on you
because I hate you
when I cannot be like you
no matter how hard I tried to.
T.T hate this poem.
About you
You are nowhere to perfection
either you are a true gentleman,
but having you is important
loving you is essential
being besides you is heaven.
Your eyes illuminate my world
brighter that the sun can do,
a touch of your hand is so warm
that my heart can feel it too,
a hug from you is salvation
healing all of my wound,
words from you are inspiration
a talisman for me to use.
Thanks for everything that you do
only words and success I can give to you,
in return of all the trouble you went through
in raising me to live up to,
I will always love you.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
what is it that make it for us so hard to talk to each other and how to breakdown the emotional wall
Speaking is easy, you just have to open your mouths and pour out all the words that you know but talking is different especially when it involves other party. Imagine yourself as a father travelling through continents to visit your daughter who you have not met for 12 years and you find it difficult to talk to her. This is what happened to Mr. Shi in the short story, a thousand years of good prayer written by Yiyun Li and the movie of the same title directed by Wayne Wang. They chat rarely and most of the conversation occurred during dinner when the father cooks for her daughter.
What is it that makes it hard for us to communicate, to talk to each other, to deliver our feeling, to share our thoughts? Simple enough, it’s just because the other party does not want to respond. No matter how hard we try to persuade them in conversation, they refuse to riposte. It must be heartbreaking when this happened. We can see the effort that Mr Shi put in inducing Yilan to talk but she responded coldly with almost no face expression or body language.
When she was asked by Mr Shi why she was so quiet, Yilan said it was because of her upbringing and the culture she grew up with. She said that she had used to Mr Shi who was a quiet person too before but is it true? Well, this can be applied but we grow up, gain experience and meet others. Yilan herself speaks happily on the phone when she talks to her friend. Thus, it can be concluded that they have problem to communicate just because Yilan choose to be quiet and she was the one who create a barrier of silence between them.
However, we should consider the generation gap too, between Yilan and her father. Moreover, they have been separated for twelve year and this can lead to awkwardness in communicating with each other. Plus, the younger generation have their way of communication and their own way of talking. Not only Mr Shi but other parents nowadays are also facing the same difficulties in communicating with their child due to the generation gap. The older generation perceive thing differently compare to the youngster and this causes clashes of opinions thus sparking conflict in conversation.
Apart from that, Yilan herself is shielding her emotion from Mr Shi. The only way to break this is for her to be brave enough to share her problem, thoughts and feelings with Mr Shi and she managed to do it as what was portrayed in the movie. They reconcile and have a calmer conversation on a park bench in the end before Mr Shi sets off on a train journey.
What is it that makes it hard for us to communicate, to talk to each other, to deliver our feeling, to share our thoughts? Simple enough, it’s just because the other party does not want to respond. No matter how hard we try to persuade them in conversation, they refuse to riposte. It must be heartbreaking when this happened. We can see the effort that Mr Shi put in inducing Yilan to talk but she responded coldly with almost no face expression or body language.
When she was asked by Mr Shi why she was so quiet, Yilan said it was because of her upbringing and the culture she grew up with. She said that she had used to Mr Shi who was a quiet person too before but is it true? Well, this can be applied but we grow up, gain experience and meet others. Yilan herself speaks happily on the phone when she talks to her friend. Thus, it can be concluded that they have problem to communicate just because Yilan choose to be quiet and she was the one who create a barrier of silence between them.
However, we should consider the generation gap too, between Yilan and her father. Moreover, they have been separated for twelve year and this can lead to awkwardness in communicating with each other. Plus, the younger generation have their way of communication and their own way of talking. Not only Mr Shi but other parents nowadays are also facing the same difficulties in communicating with their child due to the generation gap. The older generation perceive thing differently compare to the youngster and this causes clashes of opinions thus sparking conflict in conversation.
Apart from that, Yilan herself is shielding her emotion from Mr Shi. The only way to break this is for her to be brave enough to share her problem, thoughts and feelings with Mr Shi and she managed to do it as what was portrayed in the movie. They reconcile and have a calmer conversation on a park bench in the end before Mr Shi sets off on a train journey.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
descriptive language.
It was two o’clock, I can see that the moon was hiding behind the clouds and stars were gloomy, shielding their bright light. Ina was still on the desk, indulging her restless eyes into the large and thick book of Cutnell & Johnson. I was hoping to continue my study on Acids and Bases but could not bear it anymore. My eyes became so heavy, heavier than the Cutnell and I barely opened it. My mouth was gasping for Oxygen every five seconds. Not to burden myself, I jumped into my soft single bed and grabbed my pillow. Zzzz…
the end. Haha.
I don't think it's a descriptive language.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
going back to school
Hi readers! I went back to Raub, again. A snap decision made by me after the thought provoking and instinct stimulating done by Fairuz on me, who had been pictured of won’t be back to Raub for the next one month. Haha. I already planned to go back on the 25th but because of the extra class on Physics, I have to reschedule it to an earlier date. As normally I sent message to my teacher, informing him that I’ll be back in Raub. Then, he replied and asked me to go to the school on the next day because he wanted to see me. So, as an obedient student I went there yesterday as they were having their replacement on the holidays for the last Chinese New Year.
Gosshhhh!!! I hate my bro. For heaven sake, I don’t know what kind of riding he practised until I can feel that my ex-motorcycle was trembling and shivering as it was suffering from Parkinson. The engine sounds like an old man having tuberculosis disease, non-stop coughing. Luckily I can still ride it faster than an old lady or even the snails. I wish I have an Eveready battery to plug it in the engine so that it can move faster or having a soundproof earphone to protect my ears from the annoying sound of the engine.
I reached my school at 10 with the help of the motorcycle and went straight to the staff room. Surprisingly I met with my friends, Nabitul and Farhana after such a long time. And it is a routine that every time I go to the school, Ustaz will buy me drinks at the canteen. The four of us went to have our breakfast. Suddenly, the image of a skinny, tall and not-that-handsome guy pop up into my mind. I sent him message and after waiting for about 15 minutes, he arrived.
The last time I met him was last Chinese New Year. I think. Is it Amin? I don’t really remember. He was the same guy that I knew. I guess Intec did not harm you much. The only problem that I can see is that you need to put on weight. Stop eating tosai, but some fat and eat. Hakhak.
After having breakfast, we went to have a walk, to look for any development in the school vicinity and they got new hostels which were damn nicely built. Haha. I can recall lots of thing as I was walking down the classes or even when I crossed the bridge to go to the laboratories. I miss my school days. Then, I met with my juniors and Mrs Ho even asked me to motivate them. Reluctantly, I talked to them and I talked crap. Hope that it will motivate them.
Gosshhhh!!! I hate my bro. For heaven sake, I don’t know what kind of riding he practised until I can feel that my ex-motorcycle was trembling and shivering as it was suffering from Parkinson. The engine sounds like an old man having tuberculosis disease, non-stop coughing. Luckily I can still ride it faster than an old lady or even the snails. I wish I have an Eveready battery to plug it in the engine so that it can move faster or having a soundproof earphone to protect my ears from the annoying sound of the engine.
I reached my school at 10 with the help of the motorcycle and went straight to the staff room. Surprisingly I met with my friends, Nabitul and Farhana after such a long time. And it is a routine that every time I go to the school, Ustaz will buy me drinks at the canteen. The four of us went to have our breakfast. Suddenly, the image of a skinny, tall and not-that-handsome guy pop up into my mind. I sent him message and after waiting for about 15 minutes, he arrived.
The last time I met him was last Chinese New Year. I think. Is it Amin? I don’t really remember. He was the same guy that I knew. I guess Intec did not harm you much. The only problem that I can see is that you need to put on weight. Stop eating tosai, but some fat and eat. Hakhak.
After having breakfast, we went to have a walk, to look for any development in the school vicinity and they got new hostels which were damn nicely built. Haha. I can recall lots of thing as I was walking down the classes or even when I crossed the bridge to go to the laboratories. I miss my school days. Then, I met with my juniors and Mrs Ho even asked me to motivate them. Reluctantly, I talked to them and I talked crap. Hope that it will motivate them.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The guy he was benevolent, he was cool!
I was in form one when I first me him and he looks so stern back then. One particular thing that I truly remember about him is that he never grows his hair more than one inch. *Really. Trust me.* The way he walked confidently though he was carrying his out-of-shape tummy and his bald head attached firmly on my brain and until now I can still see the image flashing through my eyes. Well, he is not that out-of-shape actually. It’s a normal thing for a guy in his late 30’s right? Haha…
In 2003, I was the first batch to learn maths and science in English. I found it quit tough at first but this guy made it easy for me. He taught me in a way that I can easily understand those complicated calculations. I was confused with the addition involving negative and positive sign. Then, he drew on the whiteboard the positive and negative signs. He told us to imagine that both are guys an girls, so just paired them up. He crossed out the paired negative and positive signs and reminded us that what were left is the answer. If -2 plus +3, the two -ve signs will pair with the two +ve signs and leave out the one +ve sign. In conclusion, the answer is 1 and I was like, O.O. Ohhhh~ Now I understand. Haha
Learning maths was my priority at that time and it was the reason that I forced myself to get up every morning, preparing myself to school. Frankly speaking, I’m not that good in Maths but I’ll study harder so that I’ll get excellent results in order to please him.
He was cheerful and no doubt zestful while teaching maths. He likes to crack out jokes and sometimes was very playful. Apart from that, he is good in mimicry and I love it whenever he mimicked Mr. Bean. He was so Mr. Bean and I’ll laugh my head off.
Learning maths was exclusive as we did not learn it in the classroom but in another special room. Thus, every time we had maths, we will line up in pairs and walked there. We called it the ‘metal room’ because most of the stuffs in there were made of metals except for the chairs, windows and whiteboard. Haha. That was what I thought. Up till now I still don’t know why they called it the ‘metal room’ and why were we studying only maths in it.
The ‘metal room’ was a sole place for him and he spent most of his time there despite the fact that he had his own table in the staffroom. It was like he own the place because other teachers rarely use it.
He, the guy that I was talking about is my Maths teacher, Abdul Halim Shah but I addressed him as Sir. He taught me Maths for three years and he was the one who first called me ‘Y’. This was because there were two other students who have the same name as me, Nursyafiqah. He came out with the solution of adding our father name whenever he called us and as for me, I am Syafiqah Y. As he found it still confusing, he made it shorter by just calling me Y. He was the only person who addressed me Y before Cha and Sofia called me by the name too.
I became close with him when I was in form two. I don’t know how and why we are close. I mean close in terms of teacher and student. Sometimes I’ll share my problem with him or just talked about the gossips of the day and he’ll tease me whenever he got the chance while I will show him my blur and innocent face. Hakhak…
One occasion involving him that I remember the most was in 2005. It was on the 28th of July and I was celebrating my 15th birthday. That morning we had our Maths class with him and he said to me that he wanted to see me afterward. I thought that he was just playing around setting up a prank on me again and I just ignored him. Then, we had out tuition class during the night. I was the last one along with Hakimah to leave the class. Suddenly, he called out my name and I went to see him. Guess what? He took something out of his bag and gave it to me. It was a birthday present for me. Weeee~ I was delighted and touched as I never expect that he’ll remember my birthday. ^-^
We were still keeping in touch even after I came here, to KBU. Last Chinese New Year I went back to Raub and was so shocked to know that he was warded. I was lucky enough that my friend told me about it. I went to visit him with my best friend Sofia and it was such a journey. At first we went to buy some fruits for him. Then, we went to the hospital but they already discharged him. After that we went to his house but he was no there. I was so stupid that I did not call him first as he was actually at his mother’s house.
I was so happy that after such a long time we got the chance to talk about lots of thing. He lost lots of weight and became so thin after coming back from Mecca. He was totally different from before and I hardly recognised him. However, although he was sick but he was what he was, cheerful and can still teasing people around. I’m happy that he’s back, recovering and lost his weight (haha) but still I’m worried of his condition because he’s not losing his weight normally but because he was sick.
Sofia and I spent hours talking to him. What was funny about the visit was that we forgot to discard the price tag on the fruits we had bought. It was on the next day that we remembered it. It was shameful! How can I forget about it? Luckily that he never mentioned about it, of course he did not want to make us to feel more ashamed. Haha…
The last time I contacted him was last month asking on how he was doing, whether he had put on weight or not. Last 31st of March was his birthday and as usual I sent a birthday MMS. It was weird because he did not reply my message and he never did that. I waited for two days but cannot hold myself anymore so I asked Ustaz Faizal, his colleague regarding Sir Halim’s condition because I felt uneasy about it.
Ustaz told me that Sir was warded to the Kuantan Hospital, undergoing an operation on his eyes. I was shocked and devastated because no one had told me about it and kind of angry as I’m not aware of his condition. I did not really focus on my life and study these four days thinking of him and my sister, who went for treatments in Kelantan. Thankfully that my sister is recovering and showing some improvements; she can walk and pronounce words now. Alhamdulillah.
Sir Halim, he survived the operation and will be back in Raub soon. I wish that I can go back to Raub, pay him and my sister a visit. I can’t wait to see him and I really miss the good old days we spent together. He was like a father to me. I miss him so much.
In 2003, I was the first batch to learn maths and science in English. I found it quit tough at first but this guy made it easy for me. He taught me in a way that I can easily understand those complicated calculations. I was confused with the addition involving negative and positive sign. Then, he drew on the whiteboard the positive and negative signs. He told us to imagine that both are guys an girls, so just paired them up. He crossed out the paired negative and positive signs and reminded us that what were left is the answer. If -2 plus +3, the two -ve signs will pair with the two +ve signs and leave out the one +ve sign. In conclusion, the answer is 1 and I was like, O.O. Ohhhh~ Now I understand. Haha
Learning maths was my priority at that time and it was the reason that I forced myself to get up every morning, preparing myself to school. Frankly speaking, I’m not that good in Maths but I’ll study harder so that I’ll get excellent results in order to please him.
He was cheerful and no doubt zestful while teaching maths. He likes to crack out jokes and sometimes was very playful. Apart from that, he is good in mimicry and I love it whenever he mimicked Mr. Bean. He was so Mr. Bean and I’ll laugh my head off.
Learning maths was exclusive as we did not learn it in the classroom but in another special room. Thus, every time we had maths, we will line up in pairs and walked there. We called it the ‘metal room’ because most of the stuffs in there were made of metals except for the chairs, windows and whiteboard. Haha. That was what I thought. Up till now I still don’t know why they called it the ‘metal room’ and why were we studying only maths in it.
The ‘metal room’ was a sole place for him and he spent most of his time there despite the fact that he had his own table in the staffroom. It was like he own the place because other teachers rarely use it.
He, the guy that I was talking about is my Maths teacher, Abdul Halim Shah but I addressed him as Sir. He taught me Maths for three years and he was the one who first called me ‘Y’. This was because there were two other students who have the same name as me, Nursyafiqah. He came out with the solution of adding our father name whenever he called us and as for me, I am Syafiqah Y. As he found it still confusing, he made it shorter by just calling me Y. He was the only person who addressed me Y before Cha and Sofia called me by the name too.
I became close with him when I was in form two. I don’t know how and why we are close. I mean close in terms of teacher and student. Sometimes I’ll share my problem with him or just talked about the gossips of the day and he’ll tease me whenever he got the chance while I will show him my blur and innocent face. Hakhak…
One occasion involving him that I remember the most was in 2005. It was on the 28th of July and I was celebrating my 15th birthday. That morning we had our Maths class with him and he said to me that he wanted to see me afterward. I thought that he was just playing around setting up a prank on me again and I just ignored him. Then, we had out tuition class during the night. I was the last one along with Hakimah to leave the class. Suddenly, he called out my name and I went to see him. Guess what? He took something out of his bag and gave it to me. It was a birthday present for me. Weeee~ I was delighted and touched as I never expect that he’ll remember my birthday. ^-^
We were still keeping in touch even after I came here, to KBU. Last Chinese New Year I went back to Raub and was so shocked to know that he was warded. I was lucky enough that my friend told me about it. I went to visit him with my best friend Sofia and it was such a journey. At first we went to buy some fruits for him. Then, we went to the hospital but they already discharged him. After that we went to his house but he was no there. I was so stupid that I did not call him first as he was actually at his mother’s house.
I was so happy that after such a long time we got the chance to talk about lots of thing. He lost lots of weight and became so thin after coming back from Mecca. He was totally different from before and I hardly recognised him. However, although he was sick but he was what he was, cheerful and can still teasing people around. I’m happy that he’s back, recovering and lost his weight (haha) but still I’m worried of his condition because he’s not losing his weight normally but because he was sick.
Sofia and I spent hours talking to him. What was funny about the visit was that we forgot to discard the price tag on the fruits we had bought. It was on the next day that we remembered it. It was shameful! How can I forget about it? Luckily that he never mentioned about it, of course he did not want to make us to feel more ashamed. Haha…
The last time I contacted him was last month asking on how he was doing, whether he had put on weight or not. Last 31st of March was his birthday and as usual I sent a birthday MMS. It was weird because he did not reply my message and he never did that. I waited for two days but cannot hold myself anymore so I asked Ustaz Faizal, his colleague regarding Sir Halim’s condition because I felt uneasy about it.
Ustaz told me that Sir was warded to the Kuantan Hospital, undergoing an operation on his eyes. I was shocked and devastated because no one had told me about it and kind of angry as I’m not aware of his condition. I did not really focus on my life and study these four days thinking of him and my sister, who went for treatments in Kelantan. Thankfully that my sister is recovering and showing some improvements; she can walk and pronounce words now. Alhamdulillah.
Sir Halim, he survived the operation and will be back in Raub soon. I wish that I can go back to Raub, pay him and my sister a visit. I can’t wait to see him and I really miss the good old days we spent together. He was like a father to me. I miss him so much.
Sir, thanks for everything, all the words of advice and consolation you gave.
I’ll always pray for you. Hope that we’ll meet soon. ;j
I’ll always pray for you. Hope that we’ll meet soon. ;j
And yes! You are kind and you are cool.
Surely I gonna miss those days we spent together.
Surely I gonna miss those days we spent together.
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